| Going home soon |
[January 16, 2007 @ 12:34am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
So Jackson has been kind enough to stay and help me with the paper work.
Although he daughter Lily was not to happy about being left behind.
But we will be back in Pine Valley by the afternoon, and I am so glad. I'll be glad tp get all this legal stuff over with and just get home.
The guilt that surrounds me here is horriable. I keep thinking about poor Sophie without a mom.Her parents loved her so much. I am just luck to have her around now.
Anyways on a happier note here are some pictures of the baby.
Sophie Elizabeth is just so pretty!
( cut for friends page )
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| Talking about my past again |
[January 06, 2007 @ 2:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Shoot To Thrill- AC DC |
] |
Tad came to see me at the Valley Inn today.
Ohm... I really have missed my brother. Since I have been single for a about three years now he thinks it's time I date again.
Yeah I really can't see that one happening anytime soon. Unless Jennifer Aniston comes and begs me to date her. Well her or Greenlee. But at this time I would have better luck with Jennifer Aniston.
I think he is just worried about me because next Friday would have been Carolyn and mine third year anniversary. Of course I dated Dr. Carolyn Finn longer then we where married. Nine months after we where married and the she told me out of the blue she just didn’t want to be married to me anymore. I know that we where never madly in love , but we had an understanding. She knew why I asked Mia Saunders to marry me. Because I wanted to have a family. I cared about Mia but it was never enough. The real reason I hated her working at FUSION was because it caused me to have to be around Greenlee so much. I couldn’t move on but Mia didn’t understand that. I kept telling her to leave there. Stop being with Greenlee so much, and putting her in the middle of our relationship. And when she told she didn’t want a family or children. I just snapped. I wanted to be married and have a baby.
( cut for friends page )
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| Who Needs Pictures |
[January 05, 2007 @ 8:14pm] |
So I’m back in pine valley. And let me tell you things have changed.
Like Jamie my nephew is dating Julia Santos ! Wow, she like really close my age. I guess that’s okay because they really seem to care about each other! But it seems hard to believe that Jamie is grown up and dating a woman I worked with at the hospital, and all the guys drooled over. I’ll admit I thought she was attractive myself.
It’s not that I want Julia for myself. I just envy their happiness. I find myself jealous of Kendall for having Spike. And I’m going to go into how I felt about Adam right. Okay maybe I will alittle I could have been Colby’s father, but Adam stole that away from me. It was what Liza wanted. She made that choice , and now I feel like my daughter was stolen from me. He took what my might be my only chance at being a father. And I hope I can forgive him for that. Tad says I have to let the past go and have hope someday I’ll get to be a father. I just don’t know how much longer I can wait.
I’m just so lonely. I wish anything I had a date this Friday. But I’ll be at the Valley Inn ordering a pizza and catching a football game. Which wouldn’t be so bad. I just wish I had a beautiful woman to be there with me and lay there head on my shoulder.
And yes there is a woman I want. I really don’t think I ever stopped wanting her. She is a goddess. Really Homer should have named Helen of Troy Greenlee. Because she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Her face could launch a thousand ships easily. I would do anything to be with her now. I understand how she feels about losing Spike not only did I lose Colby the same way but Gillian lost our baby. And Greenlee was the only one I could talk to.
And when I saw her today at Valley Inn getting a drink I wanted so much to talk to her. She had on this red satin dress with her long brunette falling against her back. Also I noticed she had on a smart black jacket that seem to be keeping her warm. Her hazel eyes where shinning and she just look so soft. And I could feel all those old feelings coming back. If my brother Tad wasn’t there I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.
“Give her time. Besides after being burn the first time don’t you know to stay away from Fire.” He said.
So I walked away and went to my room before she could see me.
And in my room I thought back to the night we had under the stars.
Laying on the blanket.
I still can remember everything she said that night.
I kept replaying it in my mind.
Her smile, the sound of her laugh, and the smile of her hair.
I can remember her saying
“Make me feel like a Goddess, Jake.”
Then I pulled her close in my arms and started kiss her.
Then I just felt like I needed to stop. It was going to far. I didn’t want to give my heart to someone who didn’t return my feels.
“Why did you stop?” She asked.
“Because if I do this, I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you.
If I fall, {in love}, it's really got to be all the way.” I said.
Then I started kissing her again. And yes I gave her my heart. She’ll always have part of it.
I really should move on. I thought for a moment I had.
Then things got worst when my dad brought me a box full my old things. Inside where pictures of Greenlee I couldn’t throw away.
( the pictures )
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| Who says you can't go home |
[January 03, 2007 @ 3:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Who says you can't go home - by JON BON JOVI |
] |
I am a good guy. But it seems no matter how hard I try I can never be happy. And when I am happy the person never loves me back. I fell so in love with Gillian but she had eyes only for Ryan. Now is gone. And I was not able to do anything to help her. Then there was Greenlee. I thought I would never love again until her. She made be feel so alive and happy. The nights when we were a couple and lived to together I would stay up to watch her sleep. She was an angel. I wanted to be with her so much. But although she loved me it wasn't enough. She loved Leo more. She was comfortable with and they just seem to understand each other. So our love wasn't enough. I was so hurt until Mia. I now understand how Greenlee felt. My love for Mia wasn't enough. She just didn't get and it could never work out. So I hurt her. A thing I'm not to proud off. I cheated on her with my now ex wife Carolyn. So here I am in my late thirties divorced three times and no children. I am grateful for the love I had with Gillian and with Greenlee even though they where only short lived. I wonder how she is now. Greenlee I mean. I know Leo's death broke her heart. And when Tad told me about Ryan treating her like he did I wanted to hurt the guy. Poor Greens. Although I know after what happened with Mia she doesn't think highly of me. I don't think anyone does. But maybe things will be different now. Maybe going home is just what I need. To be around my family. Who I know still love me no matter what a jerk I've been. And after all if Erica Kane can find the right one maybe true love has plans for me after all. So I'm packing my bags to head back into my past.
Who says you can't go back, been around all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
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dr_jakemartin's journal
